| He has it still |
[08 Jul 2007|04:38am] |
As much as I would love and sit here and say I'm over Die.
I can't...Love doesn't die that fast.
My new tattoo helped me.My second family helped me.BUT I still miss him...I wanna hear his voice.
I wanna text him.Call him.Anything.To say I love you.Fight for us.Stay with me.But I CAN'T.
I smile.I laugh.But I'm still so very hallow.
And broken......
I can't believe he did what he did.And I don't believe he wanted to.He's still wearing my ring.He still has pictures up of me.I know he reading my Bulletins and looks at my picture...I gave him no reason to leave.
He will come back....I still feel him..
And if I know him like he says I do....Then I know he's coming back to me...
GOD,I feel stupid saying that..I feel helpless.
I'm not.But I am...........I just need him.
I wish I were like my sister...She's fucking amazing.She has a huge heart but only loves when she knows the love is real...She can control her emotions.She is my fucking IDOL.
I dunno where I would be with her...
Myca you make my heart beat.
|
|
|
[23 May 2005|03:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crushed |
] |
I feel so lost and confused,
My heart isnt my own anymore.
You know your really in love when even if they hurt you so much you can handly breathe
You still wish them the best.
I just wanna see him face to face and tell him how I really feel.
And Untill I do.I will never get over him.Never let go.
I cant wait for him to see what hes missing.I haveto move on.
Now my best friend and I are at odds because of this.Long story short.She is friends with his ex and its VERY hard to hear her name.
I learned something last night.I dunno if its true or not.I know the type of guy he is.So if it is true its just a phash.
Doesnt really scare me.Just hurts.Hurts more that my best friend and I are fighting.She doesnt understand hwo I feel and she wont till it happens to her.Not that I wish this on her.But you cant say you understand till you have been throught it.I didnt crash till 6 something in the morning.Happen last night too.
So much is going on in my head.In my world.I worry about things I cant control.To much.My grandma said My granny use to live by the moto."Im not gonna worry cause I might not make it tomorrow" Good moto.Ahhhhh This just sucks.
I just wanna be back in LA.
*kisses/bites*Ash
|
|
| Tell me what to believe in |
[29 Oct 2004|01:25am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Snoop dog~ Drop it like its hott |
] |
Ok so this guy I REALLY like was in town sunday,But for only 4 hours..
He called me and told me to get a cab he would pay.So I did at 2:30 in the morning.As soon as I got there he grabbed me and kissed me...& Being with him felt so amazing..The only problem IS He told me he does want a GF right now..
I understand that 100% cuz hes on tour.But I dunno what to think..I dunno if he really cares for me..I feel as if he does.But I dont wanna kid myself...
I'm so up & down about the whole thing....I just dont know.
*kisses/BITES*Ash
|
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| Roller coaster |
[30 Aug 2004|07:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Up & Down |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Led Zepp |
] |
So much to say.
My life has had alot of ups & downs lately
I finally got a job.I love it1 I didnt at first.But now that I know what in the hell I'm doin I love it.
I work crazy hours.Make great tips.Have fun people around me.
Its great!Thats the up.
The down is I feel like I losing my Bf.When I need her She not around.
I was kool with it at first cuz I'v been working alot.But I REALLY needed her this weekend.And I couldnt call her & cry.
The reason being I needed her so much is cuz my mom moved out.I took it really hard of course cuz I dont like her Boyfriend.
I'm so happy I have my grandparents.I dont really wanna talk or see my mom right now. This will take time.
Thats why I needed my girl.
Not only that.
But This guy I really liked in cali.Told me we cant talk anymore.It hurts to much.He said he could fall in love with me.I never meant to hurt him I think hes being stupid.But whatever.This makes the Second damn time this has happened.
OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND right?
I guess so.
Its so fucked up.I mean Yea it was getting very intense but still.
I'm tried of this.
I dont fall all the damn time.But when I do ,I DO!
Its all musicains.
I'm holding hope that.One day I will find my musician.
But right now I dont care.All I care about is moving to cali.
I dunno whats gonna happen.I wish Alex was moving there in Feb too!
She would be a great roomie!
I gave myself bangs! I love them I really do!
I need to get more layers.Messy,sexy ,Big Rocker hair!
LOVE IT!
I'm working on this Balls to the wall.Rock song .That I'm SOOOO fucking excited about!
I'v been singing it everyday.Which is a great since1 I can hear the music & everything!
I'v Also been designing!.I'm gonna get busy & make more stuff to put on my site! I have tons of ideas! Just need the time.Funny how I had all the time & no money Now its the other way around lol.
Life is strang indeed.
*kisses/Bites*Ash
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|
| There hand job live's were just to kool. |
[29 Jul 2004|07:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 BANG your fucking HEAD |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
GNR!! |
] |
Its Offical! I'm going to be a lesbian.FUCK GUYS.
You know what fuck All I EVER said about him.
Hes a pussy.I fucking gave in & let you get close.Fuck that.
No more.WTF is wrong with you? So I hear you have a new chick .I know her shes hott & nice.But still .I thought we were friends.
From now on I'm burying myself into my work.I have so much to work on.I dont have time for boys & their bullshit.
Last week was a drama filled week.Now this week is almost over & I'm starting to be a lil nice again.
Still not crazy about my hair but I'm kinda liking the light pink.
I need to cut it & I kinda wanna dye it dark brown.
I dunno yet.I'm just ready for a change all around.
New look,New state.New New New!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well I have SOOOOOOO much more I wanna say but.I'm just leave it at that.
*kisses/bites*Ash
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|
|
[22 Jul 2004|10:48am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ROCK |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Highway to the danger zone |
] |
Lots has been going on.
BIG,HUGE event going down & I might be apart of it cant say shit till I know.
(fingers crossed)
Got my cell back .Finally! Wooooo wooooooo
Angie & I can talk all day long Moblie to moblie BABY!
MY Mens sketches Kick Ass!
My site is amazing!!
(up soon)
Gonna see Christian this weekend.That should be fun.
I had 10 pages of fucking myspace mail the other day.Thats insane!
This wonderful woman message me letting me knoe she read about me in YM! I was shocked to say the least.I didnt know my interveiw made it in there!! I love when people email me saying they love my shit!
OMG I found this AMAZING band called *VEXY STRUT* FUCKING pure ROCK!
I freaked out I LOVE them! Tuesdae (lead singer) Shes Gorgeous & kicks SO much ass!
Its time people, bring the ROCK back!
Bands like
GNR
MOTLEY
POISON
FASTER PUSSYKAT
LA,GUNS
WHITE SNAKE
SKID ROW
The list goes On & on......Thank god for bands bring back what those bands brought.THE FUCKING ROCK!
I cant wait to be on stage!
*soft kisses/bites*Ash
|
|
| FEEL THIS FUCKER |
[09 Jul 2004|02:53am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
frustrated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
SOTY |
] |
For so long I denyed it.Now Its time to face it."Thanks Daniel" .I feel in love with bird.I didnt want to say it out loud cause then it would be to real.I cant have him.We havent talked cause my fucking cell is off.
I cant talk to anyone about it really.
I feel like I'm being annoying so I keep it to myself.
It hurts.Feeling SUCK.
I'm kinda dating this new guy.Hes great but I cant stop thinking about Bird.
I wish I could tell him.
GOD! How fucked up am I?
Yeah.I know.
Cry away his memoire.
*Kisses*Ash
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|
[05 Jul 2004|03:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
GNR .who elese? |
] |
4th of july was fun.
This last week fun so fun.
I'm gonna miss my family!
I'm thinking about going to Bartending school.I can make great money.
It would really help get my name out there!
Lots of things have been racing through my mind lately
like the band! I'm SO excited I'v been writing alot .Really cant wait to be there. Its gonna be great!Dudley & myself can go to the beach to write!! While the sun goes down. Ahhhhhhhh. Talk about Inspiration!
I have a date the 9th! He's a nice guy very cute!
I decided not to go see bird when hes in town.
I really would love to be with him again .To feel his touch & taste his kiss.But Its not the right time.I will see him when I move to cali.I'll make him come stay with me lol
I really do love him.
Hes So fucking Brilliant!
A long week ahead.Lil cousin in town.I gotta watch her & take care of her.Also finish my men's sketches.Got some great shit!
Get my CELL backkkkkkkkkkk 14th!!!!
Angie & I back to hours on the phone haha For every lil thing!
Damn Myspace mail is getting out of control.
*kisses*Ash
|
|
| Rain is here |
[21 Jun 2004|04:08pm] |
I sit here waiting to call and find out if I got the job or not.I'm so nevrous! I really need this job.Or no cali in Aug!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.(better)
Angie & I are going to do a maxim like shoot when I get my ass back there.I'm doing her hair,makeup & clothes!! So fun! I use to do stuff like that all the time.I miss it.We were talking about are place last night.Were going to have a studio area! Were EVERYONE has to take a pic & sign it! hahah Awesome!
I'm also going to see about a cell phone.God I need one!!!
Having No credit sucks! I'm praying to GOD I get some good news!
I'v been designing alot! Very excited!!
jackets ,Mini skirts,
tanks ahhhhhhhhhhhhh LOVE IT!
Fashion whore .for sure
I'm off wish me luck(cross your fingers)
*kisses*Ash
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|
| HOT PINK dreams |
[30 May 2004|05:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 & Sore |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Muse. |
] |
So whats up with me these days? haha like you care.
I'm busy very busy.Working on site,clothes& day to day shit.
I was very sick for three days .Now over it.I get sick alot.It will hell.Everytime I'm sick I cant work out & it throws me all off.I fucking hate that!
The middle of the week things started getting better.I got to talk to Bird.I wasnt gonna call but Daniel (luv him) Told me to he said & I "Q"Guys like when girls they like call them to see how they are" Awww haha.He was right Bird picked up after the second ring.Yes I do pay attention to detail. He was sweet & talked to me.But for some Fucking reason i couldnt talk to him .I was so nervous! WTF?
I shouldnt be I mean we got very close in cali. Before we got off he goes Think of me.& I said I always do.When I REALLY wanted to say "RIGHT cause I KNOW your thinking of me.haha
I just have a thing about calling people its werid.I hate it.I feel as if I'm bugging them?! UGH
I designed this KICK ASS demin jacket its awesome I'm so excited! Its White with Hot pink spray paint all over,A hugh star in the back, I'm going to put ROCK in black across the star & safty pins down the arms .ITS SO HOT! I'm selling it on my site & I'm going to do a bunch more all different.
I dyed more of my hair Crimson Storm.Its now Blonde,Black & crimson its Killer! I'm luvin it.
Umm what else hmmm OH I met a new friend!! I Luv HER .Shes BEST gorgeous & sweet.Were so much alike.I LUV when you find someone you connect with instantly! Were both moving to cali & FOR sure spent so much time together! Yayyyyyy Alexx!
I called my dudley my future dummer & sang to him ! I was so shaking lol But its was great he loved it.I wanted to prove to him were FOR SURE doing this! & now he knows=)
I'm on the Job hunt again Tuesday! I need a JOB bad!!!!!!!
I'm thinking about applying at some bars.
I could kill in tips!
OHHHHH I'm getting Huge light blue Angel wings starting at my shoulder going down to my hips kinda wraping around.with some feathers falling . Tattooed on me when I move to cali! It will be my biggest piece! I'm so excited!!
Well thats it for now I guess
*kisses*Ash
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|
[18 May 2004|01:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
HIM Sigillum Diaboli |
] |
As a dare from my Angie. I put up this pretty racy picture of myself on Myspace
& let me tell you.Its one of the best things I could have done.(Sex sells)Seriously! I'v gotten more respone to my clothes then ever before! Mostly girls too!I guess from my headshots I looked to stuck up Or to Innocent I dunno.I LOVE IT!
My site will be done soon! Its going to be SO fucking amazing! B!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!
Your one of my Best friends Babygirl!!! I hope & Pray I get to see you & ALLY this Summer!!
I Love VH1 classics! haha Ok that was random.But I do.
I watched it again last night Cant get enough I tell you!
I havent worked out in two days.Not cuz I dont want to just cuz I cant at this moment.I will today.I'm going to do 500 in the morning & 500 at night break it down .It will be Much better for me that way.
I'm So tired.
I just wanna sleep right now But I cant.Blah
I'm listening to HIM Ahhhhh so good!
::Thinks::::: Hmmmmm what else
Oh I have people I NEED to call still havent.
I'm such I FREAK I hate calling people I feel like when I call they look at the phone & go UGH! not her again.Angie said I'm being to paranoid.Shes right.She knows me so well! Thats why I love her!
I'v been designing great shit lately.Very Excited!
I'm just ready to get this rolling & not stop!!
I'm still missing him so much.& wondering about alot of things
Still dont know what to think.Scared to cll him.
I'v been writing great lyrics about it thou!
Well its a mixture of Mine & Angies guys problems.
I told her we will get to that point were Are hearts will be safe.
Just right now it hurts to breathe.
I'm going to read my media book again I think it will do me a world of good.
VELVET REVOLVER is coming to DALLAS! JUNE 19TH!!!!!!
I must go!!!!!!!
Slash & Duff Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Ok I'm done I'm gonna go read MORE myspace mail & then lay down.
*kisses*Ash
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|
|
[13 May 2004|02:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Twisted Method~ FUCK YOU |
] |
I'm just getting over being sick.THANK GOD!
I fought a bad cold.I go for my final interveiw Saturday! I think I pretty much got the job in the bag.(I hope) The asst manager Sean liked me so Yay! I want this job SO bad.JOB=CALI! Yup thats right I'm Still having withdraw.I miss it so much.I miss him.Thou I doubt he does me.But whatever.I'm being a over dramatic.I know.He's busy.BUT you would be to if you haven't talked to the guy you like in almost two weeks After everything.-New subject- I need to get started on my samlpes.And call Ashley! She's prob like where the hell is Ash? Aww.Its ALWAYS about money! I have to wait for the"money" to make & send my samples.Sucks!
I started working out again.Sunday did 400 crunches,Monday did 600.Tuesday 1000.last night 1000.I'm hitting it hard trying to get in great shape.I feel better when I'm all sore lol.
I just hope I continue working out for long then two weeks!
-New goal- DONT STOP.
I'm trying to let my hair grow out but I'm wanting to cut it.Ha!
I was cutting on it the other night while on the phone with Ang.Bad Idea.Thank god I stopped before I fucked it up!
I just found out that the Velvet revolver is coming in JUNE!!! I have to go to that! There fucking amazing! Love the video.
-Question-
Why do guys play head games? My girl is having trouble with this guy she really likes & hes being such an Ass!He wants sex & only sex.Bullshit! Fucking guys.
Ok I'm done.Sry to whoever reads this.
I write for my own Pleasure.lol I suck.
*kisses*Ash
|
|
| I wanna go back!!!!!!!! |
[03 May 2004|12:57am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
I wanna go back |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Courtney Love! Sunset stripe |
] |
My days in Cali!
Thurday: Got to inna's Landed my first store! Met ASHLEY!! Oh how I love her!
Friday:Melrose.Up & down NO good! All the stores are the same.
Saturday :SO much fun! Saw bird for 5 minutes.His hug made me weak.
Ate at chilli's with Inna & nick.Acted goofy & load lol.After chilli's went to hollywood & vine.took pics! Held inny's hand so the guy's would leave me alone! hahah SO fucking funny! "How old are you?" Inside joke.Had to be there.From Hollywood & vine .went down Sunset!! From sunset.went down beverly hill's.From there Mulholland Drive!! OMG so insane!! The veiw is breath taking!!!! From there went to the Beach! got in at 3 am~
Sunday.Ang came & recused me! Went to corona!!! had a Blast Met JOY!!!! chilled with.The boy's Cory,Dave,bizz & Blake.Got in at 4am was suppose to met bird But couldn't.
Monday ! Ang picks me up from Inna's! Went to eat at Mel's on sunset.
then went to her house.
Tuesday.Met Manny at Bob's big boy & talked busniess.Then met Dante at the Black eyed pea's studio.From there went to Corona AGAIN! Went dancing 80's night! SO much fucking fun!!!
From the club to cory's & blakes place.ang grabbing my boobs & I grabbing hers.Jack in the box at 3 am .Bizz Awww So sweet "I'm sry there's more" I dont want her to spit in my FOOD! hahaha OMG so funny!Bird calling while at the Box & getting jealous.cuz I didnt come see him again. awww so cute!Got in at 3 or 4 not sure .
Wednesday.Manny's concert at city walk.Boring! From there grabbed a bite & headed to ang's
Thursday: Disney!! With Ang,Joy ,Cory dave & joyce!!
SO funnnnnnn Tower of Terror!!Getting Soaked!! OMG crazy!after about 5 of 6 hours there dropped off joyce.Went to ang's got cleaned up.Headed to Corona on the way got followed by two hot guys! asking for my number as we were driving hahaha .Yea I gave it to them! spent the night there.
Friday: Shopped with kitty & ang .Grabbed food & met joyce .ran around in the car with the music Blasting.& started yalling shit at people walking down the street haha Scaring them to DEATH! so funnnnnnn....At 12 Went to see Bird at.Chilled with him,sara & Bubba!
Went out the Dell taco.Listened to the unfinished tracks AMAZING! Watched the Smokers haha so stupid! Went to bed with bird at 8am.Ahhhhhhhh He's so amazing."I know I'm no good for you" 8am will always be are's.I miss you already!I miss your touch!
Your kiss ,Your look.
At 5 met Ally talked business,Then met ASHLEY! aww I miss her!! She's so great.From there grabbed pizza & movies & stayed in.
Sunday.Home *tear* I wanna go back!
I'm so moving there in Feb! Ang & I Rule together!
Were unstoppable.I love her so much!!I'm so out of it I'll fill in the rest later!
*kisses*
|
|
| COUNT DOWN |
[13 Apr 2004|05:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
CM-On your Knees |
] |
I spent the weekend.In saginaw.I watched Fuse alot.Saw fam I haven't seen in a while. Wrote some lyrics.designed a bit.All in All I was VERY board!!!!Thank you god for Inna & Kelly!! Kelly so great ,WARPED tour here we come! Wooooo.
Now I'm home! I have SO much to do before I leave NEXT FUCKING THURSDAY!! OMG ya'll.Its time!Uh oh haha
Well It will be As soon as I book my Flight & Hotel!
& I got to call bird.So much to do! Lets make a list Yes?
ok here goes.::Scared:::
-------
Book Flight.
Book Hotel.
shop for clothes.
Go get fabric.
Go get leather glue.
Finish my sweats.
Make four samples.
Cross tank
Rock chick.
Guitar sweats.
Find Plain black Hoodie!!!!!!!!!!
CALL 50 MILLIon people.
-----------------------------------------CAN I SCREAM NOW?????
MY LORDY!
Oh Lmfao ..I got IMed today asking if I was ASHTON KUTCHER .........hahahhaa
Anyways
I'm off to look for flights
I SO BAD AT THIS! KILL ME NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
*Kisses*
|
|
| In my head |
[05 Apr 2004|11:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
FUCKED |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
AFI~dancing through sunday |
] |
Will I ? Won't I?
Will I ? Won't I?
Will I ? Won't I?
Will I ? Won't I?
I want to.But don't have to.
Is it the right time?
Ahhh My head is spinning
Fucking Musicains.
Am I good enough ,Smart enought? Am I better?
Am I pretty enough? Am I gorgeous?
Why does it matter?
Guys really don't care what size you are.Its are own fucking insecurity's! Why do we kill are self's to fit what we think they want?I care for him so much.I'm scared to death .yet Confident.
I'm sane.I'm fucked up.I'm NOT as innocent as I look.puppy eyes & pouty lips can kill.I'v been through shit.I can handle this! I will show them .But who are they? & why do they matter? FUCK THEM! There all in my head.
MAYBE one day I will listen to my own advise.
*kisses*
|
|
|
[03 Apr 2004|07:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
La La La La |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Princeeeeeee |
] |
Ok So today I went downtown to deep ellum(LOve it there). They had a Arts & Live music fair thing.It was ok.Much more fun at night thou! So anyways We were standing watching this band perform.When out of the corner of my eye I see this HOT guy! he had tons of tats on his back.So I'm thinking Hmmmm I'v seen this guy before.Oh shit thats tony from Mest! and the other guys too haha.God he had his shirt off! I could have licked him from one end to the other.Gorgeous! I didn't go up to him thou I mean what was I gonna say I'm a huge fan(didn't even know you guys were coming in town) PLUS I was with fam & You cant flirt with your mom standing there its just WERID! Damnit lol!
Its ok thou I'v already got my rockstar.Those boys in mest,they love them some groupies.
So yeah what a day huh? lol DAMN maybeeee I should have gone & talked to him .told him I'm a fashion designer .I could have made something happen! Oh well I'll see them again I'm sure when I'm in cali! Well I have to go work out now .*kisses*Ash
|
|
| In La La land |
[01 Apr 2004|11:23am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
curious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Prince |
] |
My dream last night::::
I was at a venue with my inny.I saw him he saw me.He came up to me & grab my waist smiled & hugged me.(I guess this was are first time meeting) anyways after we hugged.He grabbed my hand & took me to meet his friends.his band wasnt playing for another three hours. He wanted to go off for a bit.Inny had to leave.So I said bye to her & left with him.When we were in the car We had a really great conversation.I couldn't help but smile & stare at him. I lend in & started kissing him while he was driving lol.Then I said we prob shouldn't do this right now. So we stopped (damn) It felt so real. So anyways we went to a tattoo shop .He wanted to get another tatt.As we were looking around In the back.He pushed me up against a wall. And we started making out it got very intense. Almost got to the point of an Orgasm. His cell rang.We stopped. we had to go back to the venue. In one hour he had to be on stage.
So we headed to the venue. The whole time he held my hand & gave me little kisses.Then he went on stage I saw he wrote Ashton is amazing on his tee shirt. It was very sweet.
Wasn't a full on sex dream.But I enjoyed it.
|
|
|
[31 Mar 2004|11:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pissed off |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs..Bang |
] |
I'm ready to Fucking move.
If I can I'm moving before Feb.Its time.I can take care of myself.Or learn to.I want to be in Cali NOW! I mean it,Get a place.Work my ass off to keep it.Have a little fun on the side.START my band!Meet a fucking MAN.No fuck that I dont need one.I'm SO stressed out!
I feel I'm missing out on EVERYTHING. I'm in such a mood! My bitch wont come down.I feel fat.Grrrrrrr I need to be Cuddled & lots of little kisses! I need love.Or maybe just a quick fuck.I'll call josh.lol I KID I KID...
*kisses*
As a Fuck son, you sucked .I love that song!
|
|
| Your in my everything good or bad. |
[29 Mar 2004|05:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 & Loving |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
My own .... |
] |
I though about everything between you & I & How it all came about. Crazy Shit.
All Are late night convo's we had.that left me shaking & sheading tears.Cuz they were just so intense.Talking about your life.Ex's & family.Having babies.Your going to be an amazing daddy.I will ALWAYS keep them in my heart & cherish them forever.
Calling two or even three times a day just to say you miss me.Asking what I did,What I'm up to,How am I.Leaving messages on my cell. Just to say goodnight.Tell me I make you nervous.Calling me on Thanksgiving & Christmas! You were so excited.You love your family so much! Its beautiful.
I believe everything happens for a reason.And everyone you meet has a purpose in your life.
I feel so lucky to have you in mine.True theres been times I wish I never started this with you.But I was just confused & hurt.I wouldnt trade what we have for anything.for all the times you let me down.you always lifted me back up higher then ever.with all the e-mails.Saying I cant wait to see you,Cant wait to kiss you,Cant wait to hold you.I love you.I dont know if I'm in love with you .But I know I love you.I will never not be there for you .You can count on me.I swear.No matter what may come of this.You have touched my life so much.I dont think you ever will really know.
You are an amazing man.a Genius.Your heart is so big.I wanna take care of you.I wanna make you feel better about who you are when you doubt yourself.I wanna take your pain away. I'm hoping that when we see each other it will be just like it was in the began. Amazing conversations with knee weaking kisses.
You once said You know your no good for me.
And your wrong.So very wrong.
I know your ways.We talked about about that remember.I know you have to be a little crazy to wanna be with a musicain.The touring,Groupies.I know I'm a little insane.lol Its perfect.
But I dont wanna make this out to be something its not.For now were friends.
Well will figure out the rest in time.
*soft passionate kisses*Ash
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| Sleep it Off |
[26 Mar 2004|12:27am] |
what a fucking day.
First started off. Went walking did a mile.(not bad) Tomorrow doing 4!! Go me lol Anyways.Got home felt really fucking sick .Cheated on my diet.Got an E-mail saying xtina was going to pass on the sweats.Had a moment.Freaked a bit .Scared that this is a sign of what will happen in LA? I WORK my ass off on my designs! There my babys.I LOVE what a do with a passion! I have to learn not EVERYTHING I do people will love.I'm learning. Ang said I have to be optimistic about things.Or I wont have a chance of surviving in LA. Shes RIGHT! Damn COMPUTER froze before I could say I agree. & Now she thinks I'm mad at her.For being a FRIEND! DAMNIT. I text her & she hasnt replyed.She better not be mad at me. I'll kick her tiny ass.lol.I LOVE her.I met a guy on myspace from Austin Hes Amazing.Love talking with him.He intrigues me.Hes a musicain.(of course) & Rides BMX . Hes funny & witty & well just fucking rocks.He said Ang & I can stay with him when were in Austin.If hes still there.cuz he might be moving to NYC.Awww.I might not get to met him .*TEAR*I wrote part of a song today.Excited about it. GOD I love GnR!! Nov rain that song.EVERYTIME I hear it I cry.its so Intense!
Well I'm out.....SO tired!!!!!!!!
*kisses*Ash
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swallowmein's journal